Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
