the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
