and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
