also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
