your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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