i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
