I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm too high and old for this...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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