Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
