I could make wine with my vomit
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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