I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
