we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize