Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
