okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
