one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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