Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How does one acquire holy water?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
