Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
