i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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