I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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