I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize