and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
