Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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