Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
