It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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