Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
