Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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