i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
