I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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