I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
