he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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