so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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