he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
