You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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