ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize