I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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