tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
