3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
