I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
