After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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