Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
