He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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