Life is so much better after having sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
