Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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