I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
