i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize