You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
