Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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