So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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