My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
