Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
