It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
