I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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