that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
