Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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