Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
