if you like me you must not know who I am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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