He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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