There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
