doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
