I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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