i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
