Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
