You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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