sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize