I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
