K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
