I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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