New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize