I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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