I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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