I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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