Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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