Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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