The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
