the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize