I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
